Let me say that again and allow myself to celebrate one last time before the onslaught of everything else I have to do drowns out the sound.
I HAVE ACTORS! YIPPEEE!
It also looks like I have a co-choreographer, a props master, a media director, a technical director/co-costume designer, and a stage manager along with my lovely co-director. I know, it’s craziness. It’s good though, because let’s face it — as much as I’d like to do everything on this show myself, I need help. I wish I were a giant octopus who could design, direct, act, choreograph, produce, and make re-writes simultaneously (and still have one hand free to make a living and put food into my mouth), but alas, alack, I am a terrestrial mammal with two arms. But let’s face it. It’d be hard to produce Vincent’s Yellow under water. And the good news is I’ve got a lot of hands on deck now. Which is good cause this is a Big Boat.
I also heard the script aloud for the first time in our first rehearsal last night. (Also a Yippeee moment) So this is the first time in my life that I’ve sat down and written a script all by myself, and then heard it read aloud by actors. As a writer, it was indeed a bit more difficult than I anticipated (I already want to cut big chunks out of it, and will start doing so tonight), but it was also really awesome to discover new things about my story. Like, for instance — it’s got some laughs! I think my snarky sense of humor couldn’t help but pop in, but I was happy to hear some laughter from my cast.
Last thing I’m gonna tell you (later this week or maybe next week I’ll post the photos of my lovely actors) is that I bought a few things in Ecuador.
The first thing I was really looking for was just a huge amount of yellow fabric. I need it for…. you know. Well I can’t tell you! Come see the show if you want to know. It was really cheap in Ecuador so I got tons and tons.
I’m sure you understand that there was no other way to show it to you other than to put it on top of my head.
I got 35 meters. That’s about 120 feet. It’s very light-weight, translucent, and falls like a feather. It’s peeeerrrrrrty.
And, then there was one other thing I searched for…
So firstly – restructured the website, as you may have noticed. I find it interesting that each revamping of the website points to a shift of focus in my own project, in the purpose of this hallowed, imaginary place (I always wonder, if a natural disaster were to make it impossible for anyone to receive electricity — where would the internet go? There is an aspect of the internet that at least resembles the cosmic ethers, but might also be a bridge to it)… Now, my focus has shifted to theatre.
Callbacks were wonderful this weekend – I heard my words (and Vincent’s! and Gauguin’s!) on the lips of young actors ready to take a nose dive into the depths of this project. It was somewhat indescribable to have a young man speak Vincent’s words to me with purpose, looking me in the eye and trying to convince me, plead with me… It reveals to me the inherent power in what I’ve done, in all the research and the confidence with which the actors and I will be able to explore all that this man was, is, and will be.
There’s not much more I can say about it for the moment, so I will finish this entry with a discovery. It’s rare, I must admit, that I learn something at this point in my research that I’ve never heard a thing about before, but last week it happened. And since I’ve never read anyone else say anything about it, I hearby take it upon myself to make it known.
Vincent had some plans for works that never came to fruition. Here is one plan I had never, ever heard of, from the 29th of April, 1890, exactly three months before his death:
Please send me what you can find of figures among my old drawings, I’m thinking of redoing the painting of the peasants eating supper, lamplight effect. That canvas must be completely dark now, perhaps I could redo it entirely from memory. You must above all send me the women gleaning and diggers, if there are any left. Then if you like I’ll redo the old tower at Nuenenand the cottage. I think that if you still have them I could now make something better of them from memory.
These are three paintings he completed in 1885; they also happen to be my favorite paintings from his earlier work. Let’s take a look.
The Potato Eaters, 1885.
Thanks to vangoghletters.org
The Old Church Tower at Nuenen (‘The peasants’ churchyard’), 1885.
Thanks to vangoghletters.org
The Cottage, 1885.
Thanks to vangoghletters.org
That puny little flame in the window is absolutely radiant when you stand in front of this painting, but anyway. These are all breath-taking in person. Unfortunately, copies always diminish the essence.
Since Vincent’s second take on these subjects never happened, I’d like to spark our imaginations. This was what Vincent had finished “now” when writing the same letter (another beaming, delicious painting):
The garden of the asylum with dandelions and tree-trunks, 1890.
Thanks to vangoghletters.org
Imagining the prior divine paintings expressed through Vincent’s incredible later personal style kind of blows my mind. By 1890 Vincent was working so differently than in 1885… These new paintings would, without a doubt, have made new masterpieces.
Also to my surprise, in 1890 Vincent did a few paintings of Brabant, the area of the Netherlands he might call home, from memory. I had never seen these images before — which just goes to show you how much this man painted.
Now, I personally think Vincent’s work is always weaker when it is from memory rather than from life (there is an incredible precision and clarity in the latter, even in the swirls that some people find the expression of psychosis), but these paintings of “reminiscence” are incredibly provocative. One can’t help but wonder, what if Vincent had returned to the Netherlands and painted after all he learned in France? I suppose it would have looked something like this.
Cottages at sunset (‘Reminiscence of Brabant’), 1890.
Thanks to vangoghletters.org
Cottages at sunset (‘Reminiscence of Brabant’), 1890.
Thanks to vangoghletters.org
Cottages at sunset (‘Reminiscence of Brabant’), 1890.
Thanks to vangoghletters.org
Field with women lifting turnips, 1890.
Thanks to vangoghletters.org
I know, I know — a WHOLE NEW COLOR PALETTE. It’s pretty awesome. Now, look at this incredible shift in Vincent’s work and style in just five years from 1885 to 1890, half of Vincent’s entire artistic career. Picasso painted for his entire adult life, which was 60 years long. What would Vincent have done in sixty years? I often ponder this question, and now I leave it up to your imagination, Reader.
Since I am going out of the country for two weeks, this blog will be on hold. I am finally giving myself and this place a break after nine months of posting every week. In the meantime, read an entry you’ve never read before. You can browse through my travel entries, or just look at the calendar here on the right. My next entry will be the 24th of May.
In the meantime, let spring warm your face and your imagination race with possible futures.
It occurred to me yesterday, these are the moments that will be forgotten. The quiet before the storm. The anxiety and hand-wringing. If I ever come back to this entry, I will likely be surprised.
Can it be possible to feel down, depressed, when one is finally realizing so many dreams, when one is doing Great Things, by one’s own definition? Oh, yes. (I am resisting bemoaning the position of an artist – misunderstood, lonely, no money, blah blah blah!)
I just try to play some good music, and remind myself that there’s no other path now anyway. From here, it leads straight to Vincent.
I suppose part of my feeling down has to do with my research this past week of the last 70 days or so of Vincent’s life. I was looking in his letters for an answer to a particular question, but it also required me to face The End. And as I found out at his grave in Auvers-sur-Oise, it’s not easy for me to think about his death for an extended period of time. I have no doubt his death was his release, but I can’t help wishing it had been different.
I never mentioned this before, but I took a little rock from the field where Vincent is supposed to have shot himself. I had to bring something home with me, right? It’s with me everyday, in my coin purse. I like that.
I like having a little something. I took that and the strand of wheat that’s on my business card.
In the news of things I’ve accomplished (let’s be happy!), I did indeed do my Twitter Performance this past Saturday as planned, and in case you missed it, I recommend clicking here. You have to read from the bottom up, cause that’s how Twitter rolls, and click for “more” twice to start from the beginning of the conversation. Here is the beginning, to spark your curiousity (read from the bottom up!). It started with his daily quote:
So that was pretty awesome. First time I’ve ever done anything like that, and I think it does give the outsider a good taste for what the final performance will be like. At least in Twitter terms. :)
Also — this week is CALLBACKS. Which means that the next time I post here, I may very well have my cast set. Isn’t that just CRAZY!? Despite my perhaps sullen mood, I must admit I am extremely excited to get to know these actors who are interested in the project, and see what they can do. It will also be the first time I will hear my words aloud. And that’s pretty sweet.
So onward and upward. In the meantime, here’s a pretty cool video a friend of the project sent me. I think it gives you a good idea of what Vincent really looked like…
"..art is something greater and higher than our own skill or knowledge or learning. [Art] is something which, though produced by human hands, is not wrought by hands alone, but wells up from a deeper source, from man's soul..."
Vincent van Gogh, letter from March 1884
Twelve years ago, like many others, I fell in love with Vincent van Gogh. I followed this love, never letting go, reading about him and visiting his paintings all I could, and I am still journeying - I hope you will join me, Reader. This path has led me to you and you to me, and both of us to beauty, to art, to life, to death and to something greater...
